A Rant If I May

Since the playoffs have yet to begin I would like to write about something else this morning. Specifically people who deserve to be punched in the face, inspired by this mornings metro ride. Some of these people don't actually deserve to be hit, I just find them to be extremely annoying. So before you think that I am violent and need anger management classes just read the list and tell me if I am wrong:

Top Ten List of People Who Deserve A Punch In The Face

10. Loud Elevator Talkers

There is nothing worse than getting onto a crowded elevator and being forcibly subjected to people essentially yelling at each other. Its an elevator for god sake. Shut your mouth and stare at the numbers light up like you are supposed to. BAP

09. Overly Chipper Morning People

Listen I don't want to be rude, but until I've had at least one cup of coffee I don't want to say good morning to you, and I certainly don't want you smiling at me. So shut up and stay away until at least ten. POW

08. Anonymous Commenters

I would love to punch them in the face but since you never know who they are it is impossible. These people claim to have an opinion, but they just don't want you to know who they are....grow a pair and write your name. SLAM

07. Women Who Turn The Heat On In The Office in the Summertime

I'm probably going to take some flack for this one, but as a man who is required to wear pants and a collard shirt even on the hottest and muggiest days in our nations capitol it drives me crazy. Women can wear skirts and no socks, no wonder you get cold, but bring a sweater because us guys can't just take off our pants. (I wont hit a lady)

06. Douche bag Guys

You know the type. They are the ones who have enough grease in their hair to light a wet log on fire. There typical conversation consists of the words "dude" and "bro" and their world revolves around looking at themselves in the mirror. CRACK

05. Kickball (WAKA in particular)

Again, I am probably going to take some heat for this one but I can't stand the kickball crowd. I like to drink don't get me wrong, but there is just something about this organization that rubs me the wrong way. http://www.dieyuppiekickball.com/ If you want to play a real sport and socialize play Softball or Flag Football, kickball is for elementary school kids. ZAP

04. Overly Aggressive Bums
I don't mean to sound heartless and cold here, but sometimes I really just don't have any change. I'm sure that you are down on your luck for a good reason and I sympathise, but following me down the street and calling me a racist isn't going to make a twenty magically fall from my pocket. WHACK

03. People Who Suck on Their Fingers After Eating Cheetos

I know this sounds stupid, but for some reason I find it disgusting when people do this. If you want to get the last of all of that orange goodness that is fine, just please don't do it where I can see it. SMACK

02. Bad Metro Seat Partners

We have come to the reason for today's rant. This morning on the metro (crowded as usual) a woman sat down next to me on the outside seat, I was next to the window. She proceeded to cough, push me with her elbow while she fumbled around in her purse, and then started to eat something that smelled like a dead fish. Once finished with the dead fish she sucked everyone of her fingers with a loud smack and answered her cell phone and talked as loud as humanly possible without actually screaming. My fist was clenched and ready to go. But then came the swan song of all, when I said excuse me to get off at my stop she simply moved her legs...slightly...forcing me to essentially hurdle over her. I HATE THAT!!!! Get the F up for Pete's sake, just be courteous for one fricken second!!!! AAAAA...you get a punch in the face lady. POW SMACK SLAM BAM WHACK

01. Red Sox Fans (the really obnoxious ones)

Come on, you didn't think I could write an entire post without at least one baseball reference did you? I will say that a not all Sox fans are like this, and the Yankees certainly have some of those fans too, but we all know the ones that I am talking about here. I read Yankees Chick from time to time, she had a run in with some of those fans yesterday. Click here to see what I am talking about if you don't know already. WHAP

Ok, thank you for bearing with me today....I feel much better now.